Working from home with kids: What I've been doing to balance work and family

I know what you must be thinking: "Here comes another post about working from home during quarantine". Yes, I know, we are all living in difficult times and a lot of people have been producing content on the subject recently, especially about working from home. However, as the father of a 3 year old daughter and a newborn, I felt the desire to share some things that have worked for me and that can also work for all those parents who are going through the same situation.

It is important to note that there are several different family configurations. You may be in a setting where both husband and wife work and have children at home. Or you can be a single parent. You may have one, two, three children or even more. You may have older kids or babies. My experience applies to a setting where I am currently working and my wife is not. The possibilities and variations are numerous and given that, I would like to share my personal experience of how I have been doing to balance things such as work, family, responsibilities, productivity, personal projects, leisure etc.

I believe that these tips can be applied by any family, regardless of the configuration, and can also be applied even after the pandemic is over end, where I believe that many people will end up adhering to the practice of working from home fully or partially.

About working from home

I have the privilege to work in a company that made WFH flexible even before the pandemic. This flexibility made me choose (mainly after moving to the United States) to work from home every Friday. I had made this choice for a few reasons: Fridays are generally more chill at work, with fewer meetings, less pressure and with co-workers leaving home early; I also wanted to spend more time with my daughter and have the opportunity to take her and pick her up from school, as well as having lunch and interacting with her a few times during the day. The fact of working from home on Fridays also made me spend less time commuting to work (approximately 1:30 total), being able to wake up a little later or taking the extra time to accomplish personal things.

Although the reasons are very good, not everything is smooth. Eventually the family demanded more from me during the workday, productivity fell and the feeling that I could have accomplished more that day was frequent. In beginning in March, COVID-19 cases started to increase in California and we were asked to work 100% from home since then. It has been almost 4 months and this time was extremely valuable for me to identify things that were and were not working since when I first adopted the practice on Fridays.

For people who have children, it is practically a juggle between meeting the needs of their children, spouse, co-workers, chats, meetings, emails, presentations, personal time and so on. But it is possible to make the experience a little less difficult and more effective.

The challenges of working from home with kids

The photo at the top of this post was taken a few weeks ago. This is my dear daughter Lia after getting into the room, sitting next to me and giving that little yellow smile. At the time I posted this photo on Instagram with the caption: "Hello, how can I disturb your productivity today?"

When I start my day at work at home and find myself in situations where I have to focus or join a meeting, I tell my family that I'm going to close and lock the bedroom door temporarily. Whenever my wife needs to pick up something or talk to me she knocks on the door and I unlock it for her to enter. I can tell by the knock on the door when it’s my wife who is knocking and when it’s my daughter. However, the most interesting thing is that Lia simply learned to knock on the door in the same way my wife does, managing to deceive me and make me open it to her thinking that it’s actually my wife wanting something. Each day I am more amazed by the intelligence and perspicacity of the children.

Working from home with children is an extremely challenging thing. I would say that it is even more so in times of pandemic where children are not going to school, spending energy in playgrounds, doing physical activities, interacting with friends or are having to deal with the constant stress of parents. Believe me, it's not been easy for them either.

They want attention. They want to talk. More than that, they want you to hear them talking. They want to listen to music, draw, dance, play, paint, jump, scream. And as much as you are creative and super attentive, sometimes the task of balancing children and responsibilities becomes almost impossible.

The first step is to accept that it is okay for this moment to be challenging. We have to accept the fact that the current condition is not ideal and that we will have to deal with the resources that we have available in hands, even if they are not the ones we wanted. We have to take a deep breath every day (or every hour, or every minute) and let our love for them speak louder. It's okay to explode or lose patience in a few moments, but always remembering to show greater love, looking to the future with hope and standing firm while circumstances are not the best.

That said, here are 10 practical tips on things I've been doing that have helped me balance work responsibilities at home. These things have also helped me to be more productive and maintain my level of sanity.

Tip 1: Align expectations with your children and family.

I strongly believe in the power of communication inside home. The more we communicate clearly with our family, the more we will be able to solve problems or even prevent them from showing up. When working from home, talk to your partner about your working day. Tell them what meetings you will have, the tasks you need complete that day, the challenges and problems that are making you feel anxious. Talk to your children about the time you will need to work and when you will be available to play or do other activities with them. Help your family understand the moments or days when you can be more flexible and the moments when you’ll need to isolate yourself to resolve something.

I recently heard from my cousin a very creative idea that he had to help communicate with his family. Married and a father of two children, he bought one of those smart colored lights that can be activated by voice command through assistants from Google, Apple or Amazon. He put the light in the hallway of the house, and when he needs to focus and not be interrupted, he asks the assistant to activate 'busy mode', turning the light red and indicating the situation to his family.

Regardless of your technique, align expectations with your family and make it clear what is happening at your current time at work. In my opinion the more details, the better.

Tip 2: Align expectations with your employer and/or boss.

Likewise, align expectations with your employer. You need to be transparent about the challenges you are facing at home when managing your family and work. Align about moments that you need to dedicate to your children, about the times you can't have meetings or periods of the day when you have to be offline. Talk to align expectations, timing and prioritization of projects and what are the impacts of your work for the company. Also try to align your plans with your co-workers so that they avoid scheduling meetings at times that you have blocked for the family. The secret is to negotiate, find a consensus and create a plan of what is the best for the employer and employee.

Tip 3: Invest in a comfortable and private work workspace

My family and I always try to save as much as we can in our expenses. However, there are some areas where I insist on investing a little more. Things like a good mattress to sleep on, a comfortable car to drive, sneakers that last a long time, etc. Recently, I added one more thing to this list of items that deserve a little more investment: your home workstation. This is an investment that doesn’t last only for the period when you are working from home.

A comfortable desk setup can bring many benefits in the long run. You can use this space to study, do personal projects, write your thoughts and so on. A comfortable space means a chair that doesn’t give you back pain, a table with plenty of space, a monitor or laptop at eye level and many other things you can invest to avoid problems in the future and increase your productivity.

What does this have to do with working from home and children?

By having a comfortable and private workstation, you can be more effective, you will avoid working in common areas of the house (such as in the living room, with the TV on or in the kitchen) and will create a sense in your children that when you're in that area is because you're working.

Tip 4: Be clear with your children. Communication is key. Explain what's going on.

These past few months have been very challenging for children to process everything that is happening. Almost out of nowhere the school was canceled, the parents are working from home, the parks are closed and the events were postponed. People are wearing masks on the street and some children may even be dealing with relatives infected with the virus. It is extremely important in a complex moment like this to talk to your children and try to explain in a cautious way what is happening. Make it clear what you are doing and why you are not playing with them during your work period. If you promise to play after work or at some other time of the day, keep your promise.

You need to be aware of their feelings, answer all their questions and bring a daily dose of optimism. This clear communication can make the child understand the moment we are living and create a spirit of collaboration among family members to face these uncertain times.

Tip 5: Invite your children to be with you during tasks that require less mental effort.

I recorded this video during a Friday working morning. It was a day where I had lighter things to do at work. My daughter wanted to play and I invited her to sit next to me and do her painting and drawing activities. I won't say it lasted a long time (maybe 15 minutes?), but she certainly enjoyed the time we spent together.

In some other situations I put up Aladdin and Frozen songs for her to listen, dance and sing on the bed, while I do the work stuff. The idea is simple: invite your children to stay with you during the more mechanical tasks or lighter days at work.

Tip 6: Keep a routine and create rituals. Work in partnership with your spouse.

Many of the articles I read and the experts I heard talk about establishing a daily routine even if you are not technically going to work. This includes taking off your pajamas, having breakfast, exercising, reading the news, etc. The same applies for when you are ending the workday. This routine helps children create a pattern of the main events of the day and helps them to control their expectations. Almost every day, in the end of the afternoon, when I open my bedroom’s door, my daughter asks: "Are you done working, dad?".

It is super important to establish a routine for children as well. It may be wise to create a schedule for the days of the week, share responsibilities with your partner, and stick to your routine. The schedule can include things like: activity time, virtual school time, nap time, exercise etc. Obviously, it has to be adapted to the parents' conditions and always with some room for flexibility when needed.

Remember that children are not robots and many times they will not want to follow the routine, watch the school on Zoom or take a nap. And that's fine! Talk to your partner, talk at work, talk to your child and adapt things as needed. The routine certainly makes the child feel safer and aligns expectations when it comes to the day, hence creating more respect and mutual understanding between the family members.

Tip 7: When you disconnect from work, really disconnect yourself.

When working from home, there is a very fine line between the boundary of work and home. Often time passes and we end up working hours and hours without realizing it. At other instances, we may be so engaged in the family responsibilities that the day has passed and you have been unable to do the things you needed at work. It is very important to set limits and ensure that you are present in every situation.

When you disconnect from work, you need to truly disconnect.

Avoid checking email, thinking about work or talking too much about it at home. Your kids notice and feel it when you’re constantly checking your phone and worried about other things. They may have the feeling that you are always working and don't have time for them. Whether during family lunch or after the workday ends, try your best to disconnect and be there for your family. I, in particular, found in meditation a way to lower the dust in my mind, leave everything behind and focus on what matters most.

Tip 8: Time away from home is very, very good.

Children need to spend energy. They need sun, nature, wind in their faces. Set aside daily time, if possible, to go out with them for a while. Of course, maintaining the standards of social distance and following the health recommendations of your region.

My personal tip is: find that precious and isolated place and stick to it.

A place where there is no one and where it is perfect for children to run, play and enjoy the outdoors. For our family, what worked was going to the large, isolated parking lot on the back of the church we are members. When we go there, we ride scooter, play ball, frisbee and do other running activities. This is our precious place. We also constantly go to local parks to out our feet on the grass for a while and stay away from people so we can take off our masks and enjoy the breeze.

I know sometimes it’s hard to find places like this, but do some research in your region and try to find your precious and isolated spot. In fact, a time away from home is scientifically proven to be very good for physical and mental health.

Tip 9: Remember that work is just work.

I once heard in a talk about the 4 glass balls and the rubber ball. In our life, we are juggling all of them and each one represents the following: family, health, spirituality, friends and work. The first four are made of glass and if they fall they will be damaged. Work is the rubber one: it can fall to the ground many times, but it will always bounce back. In a world full of economic uncertainties it is obvious that work has been a fundamental part of staying financially stable and being able to provide for your family.

Many people ended up being fired, companies are closing and the crisis is perpetuating more and more. Despite all of this, don't let work replace the things that matter most in your life. If you need help, talk to your family members, always be transparent with your family, seek help from friends and acquaintances, and have faith that things will get better.

Tip 10: Love and patience above all. Express your love for your children.

Finally, I would say that love and patience always win. Whether in the most pleasant moments or the most painful, express your love for your children and your family through words and actions. Don't hold off from showing affection, compliments, hugs and words of love. When your patience is running out, look for an isolated corner, take a deep breath and try again. Love and patience will make you and your family stronger and go through all the challenges together. This is the most important and essential thing.

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I hope these tips help you just as they helped me. Now, excuse me, I have a diaper to change over here. :)